


Solace In Darkness

by StainedGlassDreams



Series: Earth, Please Come In, Over [5]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: buckynat - Freeform, h/c
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-05-30 01:59:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6403987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StainedGlassDreams/pseuds/StainedGlassDreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam has only seen the real Bucky a few times. The one he hides behind walls & walls of metal and steel. The one he suspects Natasha only ever saw.<br/>Tonight was one of them. & tonight he wants to burn HYDRA into little pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Solace In Darkness

The first time Bucky opened up to him, the first time he really opened up, was 2 weeks after he came to the apartment.

He'd been leaving at random times, sometimes during the mornings, and other times at night; Sam wouldn't see him until the next day or afternoon, with no explanation where he went.

And he didn't ask either. Because honestly, in his position, he's not sure what he would do.  
He's not sure how Bucky handles it, as Sam might've burned the city to the ground. Might have been over the top, insanely dumb and gone after everything Leo worked for. Tackled a HYDRA base, whatever it took, and it still may never be enough.  
Bucky never showed himself to much people. Even to him, or Steve there was still a wall, albeit small, where he hid his darkness that he let no one see.  
The shit soldiers goes through, amplified by 7202680, shown in the hollowed out colors of their eyes. Bucky his his and buried it. Deep.  
Not out of denial, no. The kid wasn't that dumb. What was dumb, was him hiding it because he didn't want to "burden" anyone else with it. Because he figured the darkness, the one he hid, was his sin to carry.

So when he finally met someone who could take down that wall, who could assure him that sin wasn't his?  
He saw the true James Barnes. And Natasha saw it the first time she saw Bucky. Not the mantle, not the name; not the past. Just...him.  
And in the small moments he saw of them together, he gave that same feeling back to her.

And if Sam put himself in Barnes' shoes, being stripped of that one single constant good in his life; that understanding?  
The whole world might be on fire.

So the night Bucky opened up...was one that he would never forget as he once again saw James Barnes. The soldier.

He opened the door to find Bucky's sitting figure on the couch, his head down & a glass of what looked like bourbon on the table.  
Sam put his keys in the dish as he took off his coat, choosing his words consciously and mindfully. "Nice to see you back."  
Bucky quietly sniffed. "...Thanks."

Sam quietly began to make tea, choosing chamomile.  
As he stood against the kitchen, waiting, he peered over at Barnes.  
Liquor had no effect on the kid. Him and Steve. Jokingly, it was funny. Now... Now he could only see frustration under pain, under tired.  
And it made him want to kick something. Hard.

He caught it before the pot whistled, pouring some in a cup for Barnes, and himself, walking over to the table and setting it down. "Mind if I sit?"  
A slight pause as Bucky quietly replied "No."  
After a few minutes, he took the tea, either because the bottle he probably got it from was gone, or he had just given up.  
Sam wasn't sure he wanted it to be the latter, exactly.

It was a few more before Barnes spoke, each word thought out. "Thanks for letting me stay here."  
"...No problem, man. I told you before."  
He chuckled painfully as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Some houseguest I am. Going out at random times of the day and night."  
"You can go where ever you want Bucky, nobody told you you had to stay here. That's what the key is for. So you don't go sneaking through my windows." He joked, which got him the smallest of smiles.  
Another long, long pause. "I leave because I go to Brooklyn." He said quietly, Sam's heart slowly breaking.  
"....I just watch her. Go to the grocery, a bar. And I don't...follow her. I'd never do that." Swallowed softly. "I just...just need to see her. Make sure that she's okay. That she's..." Paused, trying to hide the pain in his voice. "...she's okay." Was all he could manage.  
Sam looked at him, Bucky unable to do the same. "I....I thought I could just leave. Walk away and not look back but um...." Struggled to once again level his voice. "...I knew I couldn't. ....Can't."

In that moment, more than any other, he wished he was the one who put Novokov on the Raft. So maybe he could've done a little justice to the son of a bitch.

All Sam could do was put his hand on Bucky's shoulder, the tea sitting on the table in front of them.  
Sometimes all you can offer is comfort. Bringing it & finding it.

Right now, Sam couldn't find any. But he'd damn well give whatever he could to Bucky right now.  
And he could find comfort in that.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired once again by Reflection Nebula- "The Dim Rememberance"  
> http://soundcloud.com/frith-1/the-dim-remembrance
> 
> As always, Thank You so much for reading and hope you like it :)


End file.
